


Here You Can See The Stars

by dreamingofdisaster



Series: Dizzy [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Panic Attacks, dave is mad and i love it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-05-22 07:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6070077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingofdisaster/pseuds/dreamingofdisaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuing from where we left off...</p><p>Karkat and Dave are in college now, and things are definitely different. Dave is rooming with a weirdo named Equius, and Karkat is rooming with a guy he hardly sees.</p><p>Life is strange, and it gets stranger when Karkat and Dave meet after six months of being apart.</p><p>((on hiatus until further notice))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part two! If you haven't read the first one yet, please consider doing that, for this one will make no sense and will be a very big spoiler for you. :)

Rubbing his face into his pillow, Dave thinks briefly how much he doesn’t want to wake up. The light was already blazing above his head, and the sun was streaming in through the windows. It was much too warm in here despite the window being open, making it easy for him to feel his brain fogging up, his mind deciding that it wants to give up for a while longer.

“Dave,” the voice of his roommate cuts through the fog for a moment. “Don’t you have class soon?”

“Mm,” Dave replies, slowly pushing himself into a sitting position. “Can you turn the light off for a sec?” He asks, hand over his eyes as he tries to get the sleep out of his head.

There’s a distinct click where his roommate, Equius, decides to comply, and Dave then opens his eyes to relative darkness. Sure, there was still the windows shining in and filling the room with light, but it was relatively blocked by the two desks just in front of the windows.

“Thanks,” Dave mumbles, standing and beginning his morning routine.

Usually the light was kept off, mostly because Equius himself hated it. He preferred the dark to the light, unless of course it was  _ actually  _ night and they needed the light to see. Considering the light causes Dave all kinds of problems, it was good that Equius decides to listen when Dave truly needs it. 

Dave had expressed to Equius multiple times why he prefers to have the light off, namely, fainting is not fun, and Dave would like to be able to get ready in the morning without fainting ten thousand times in a row. Of course, Equius says he understands and that he’ll remember to turn the light off, but, alas, he does not always do what he says he is going to. Thankfully at this moment, Equius is cooperating.

School had been in session two weeks now. It was nice enough, there was plenty of time to take naps as far as Dave was concerned, and there was a lot of time to eat as well. He’d made some friends and still kept in touch with some of his old ones. Of course, Bro calls nearly every day to check up on him, which is hilarious.

Bro and Jake moved in together about two months before Dave graduated high school. They were living like one big happy family, but now, Bro very obviously misses Dave, and he doesn’t try to hide it. He always tells Dave about his day, what he’s been doing, what Jake is up to, what the dog they got recently has been doing, what the godforsaken mailman has been doing lately. It was annoying in a cute way, because Dave knows how much Bro really loves him, and him being annoying shows just that.

In a timely manner, Dave manages to get ready and get out the door about fifteen minutes before class starts. That was fine, considering the building was about a five minute walk from his dorm. All fine. All dandy. 

The lecture was boring (as per usual, considering it was history) and the fucking professor likes to flip on and off the lights all the time, only making Dave want to sleep. All he wanted to do was take a nap before his next class, but knowing his life and his brain's temperament, he probably would only faint and keep fainting as he tries to get up again in a couple hours.

Walking around the corner from the security desk in the dorms to walk to the stairs, Dave stops suddenly with the sound of a laugh.

It was… weirdly familiar. 

He turns back around, heading from the other side of the security desk towards the common area. There were a couple sets of couches in there, where people could talk, do homework, or watch TV on the flatscreen mounted on the wall. There were always a whole bunch of people in there, different people, and the sounds can get muffled and travel in weird ways.

He’s sure the sound he heard couldn’t possibly be who he thought it was, but as he gets closer, the recognition he feels hearing the voice continues to get stronger. Heart pounding in his chest, he almost doesn’t want to round the corner and look. 

Slowly, he takes another step, and another, another, another, until he can peer around the corner and see the people sitting in a circle of couches. His heart leaps into his throat as another laugh fills the air.

“Karkat?” Dave calls out, unable to stop himself. The name slips out, and his feet pull him towards the group. 

“Dave!” Karkat squeaks out, “What are you--”

The surprise in his voice and the expression filling his face was almost enough to keep Dave from talking. It was less like a surprised fear, as Dave had first assumed, but rather it was a surprise that was filled with awe.

“I go here, dumbass,” Dave interrupts, but gestures to the sweatshirt Karkat was wearing, blaring the school’s name. “Guessing you do too, huh?”

“Yeah,” Karkat replies, starting to smile. 

Dave starts smiling without realizing it when he notices how Karkat was starting to blush. Karkat then glances at his friends, as if remembering that they were here. 

“Do you wanna go to my room and catch up?” Karkat asks, starting to look like he was going to stand anyway, regardless of Dave’s answer.

“Sure, yeah,” Dave nods quickly, unsure of why Karkat wanted to leave his friends, especially if he was so happy with them. 

Very quickly, Karkat jumps to his feet upon his answer and starts towards Dave. It was so weird seeing Karkat here, in this place, at his  _ school.  _ They were at the same school, and they were here together, and Karkat was  _ happy  _ to see Dave. So long had Dave told himself that Karkat didn’t care about him, that he didn’t like him, that he never wanted to see him again, but now… he was confused.

“I wanted to talk to you away from all them,” Karkat explains as they stand in front of the elevator, waiting for it to arrive. “There’s a lot I need to tell you…” He trails off a little, frowning. He decides to sigh, glancing over at Dave who can’t stop staring at him.

Karkat looks older, even though it had been, what, six months, maybe? He looks happier, overall, especially since the last time Dave had seen him, he looked so upset. 

“A lot to apologize for,” Karkat adds softly, hands clenching as his head tilts down towards the ground, mouth tightening into a hard line.

Dave opens his mouth to protest, just as the elevator dings to announce it’s arrival. The interruption only makes Dave close his trap again, following behind Karkat, and watching as he presses the button for the seventh floor.

“No wonder I haven’t seen you,” Dave thinks aloud, “I live on the first floor. I always take the stairs.” Karkat’s face breaks into one of his trademark smiles, grinning up at Dave. He definitely hasn’t changed that much.

“Yeah, I think if I took the stairs I’d have a heart attack.”

Dave can’t help but laugh softly, turning his head up to watch the numbers rise up and up, until finally it hits seven.

Again, Dave follows behind Karkat as they leave the elevator, and walk to the hallway on the left, to room 712. The floor looks just as the first floor does, only with slightly different posters hanging on the bulletin board in the middle lounge, and different door tags showing who lives inside. Karkat’s nametag was a phoenix, and his roommate, Steve, had a unicorn. Smiling again, Dave makes no comment on it, only following behind Karkat when he opens the door.

“I kinda wanted to be alone with you just because what I need to tell you is… hard for me,” Karkat adds, quietly, as he shuts the door and Dave turns back around to look at him.

Finally, in the privacy of his bedroom, Karkat’s expression changes. He deflates, his shoulders slumping a little as he walks in and sits on his bed, patting the spot next to him to tell Dave to sit down as well.

“After we broke up,” Karkat begins, “the very next day, some guys beat me up pretty bad.” He sighs a little, “I had a broken nose and some bruised ribs and a black eye. I went home and Eliza was really fucking pissed.”

He smiles a little, but it was sad, and all Dave wants to do is hold his hand. He doesn’t allow himself to do that, after all, it would be inappropriate. Not to mention how mad Dave is despite hearing Karkat got beat up. All his anger was because of the fact that Karkat didn’t talk to him the past six months.

“But before she took me to the hospital, I got really mad and starting yelling at them that they didn’t really care or whatever…” His smile turns less sad, and more genuine. “Eliza told me that they wanted to adopt me, and… they did.”

“Wow, that’s awesome,” Dave has to admit, despite his anger. “Other than getting beat up, I mean. Uh, why did you get beat up exactly?”

“Why do you think?” Karkat replies, sighing. He sits on his bed and leans back against some pillows, as if to get more comfortable, the opposite of how Dave was feeling. “I’ll bet it was the same guys who were harassing both of us for dating, but I never saw who it was, so…” He shrugs.

“So no one got in trouble or expelled or arrested?”

“Nope,” Karkat shakes his head. “Eliza didn’t want me in the school anymore so she made me take online classes for the rest of the semester. But, then Eliza got a job really far away so after they adopted me, we moved to a small ass country town without a reliable internet connection and spotty phone reception.”

“Oh, so that’s why you just kind of… disappeared,” Dave whispers. His heart starts to hurt remembering everything he felt over the course of those months knowing nothing about what happened to Karkat. 

“I’m really sorry,” Karkat whispers. “I know I hurt you and it was really shitty of me not to tell you anything.”

“We weren’t dating, so it’s not like you… owed me anything. Or whatever,” Dave shakes his head, unable to look at Karkat. He could only look down at the ground and wonder how long he could continue to sit here without allowing himself to explode with emotion and rage.

“It was still shitty of me to do,” Karkat replies, his hand reaching forward to touch Dave’s arm. 

The moment Karkat’s hand touches Dave’s skin, Dave immediately jumps to his feet.

“Yes, it was,” Dave agrees with him, feeling his breath start to quicken. 

Here it goes, here comes the anger, here come everything he had kept inside the past six months. Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes.

“I thought you didn’t care, and you must not have. If you did care, you definitely would’ve tried to contact me somehow.”

Dave stares down at Karkat’s surprised expression, his dark eyebrows shooting up into his bangs for a moment. His brown eyes were wide and watching, waiting for Dave to say something else, so he keeps talking.

“I really, really cared about you,” Dave whispers. “I didn’t want to break up, but you were so… so sad, and I didn’t want to make you stay if you didn’t want to.” Dave takes a deep breath, letting out as a sigh. “Look, I… I don’t know what I expected would happen hearing your story, but I definitely do know now that this is just bringing up a whole bunch of emotions and memories I’d rather not recall.”

“I’m sorry,” Karkat whispers. 

“Yeah,” Dave nods, sighing, and starting to turn around again to leave. “I’ll be your friend, Karkat. But I don’t know if I forgive you quite yet.”

“That’s fair,” Karkat agrees, but the sound of his voice is strained, like he isn’t sure he likes the idea of being just friends.

“I have to get to class soon, I’ll… see you around I guess,” Dave says the words and tries his hardest not to sigh halfway through.

He almost can’t stop sighing as he leaves the room, and walks to the staircase out of habit, and starts the trek down to the first floor.

_ If only Karkat had messaged me a long time ago, I wouldn’t be feeling so angry at him now.  _ Dave sighs for the millionth time in a row, now too worked up to even think about having a nap.


	2. Punishment

Now that he  _ knows  _ Dave goes to the same school here, Karkat kept seeing him everywhere. At lunch or even at dinner, Karkat would sometimes pass by his table. Every now and then Karkat would wave to him across the hall if they were in the same building at the same time, or if he saw Dave across the quad. Despite all this, despite being nice and explaining to him what had happened, Dave was still angry.

_ Which makes sense,  _ Karkat thinks to himself, curling up on the sofa in front of the TV. It was movie night in the dorm, but it’s not like he’d really pay attention to it. He keeps thinking about ways he can get Dave to actually be his friend again, ways that would hopefully make Dave like Karkat, and not hate him like he does now.

_ Okay, maybe he doesn’t hate me,  _ Karkat thinks,  _ but he doesn’t necessarily like me. _ Leaning his head in his hand, Karkat watches his friends try to figure out the DVD player. There are too many wires and it’s not plugged in yet, despite the “movie night” starting at least a half an hour ago.

Stephanie, one of Karkat’s friends, was trying to help to the best of her ability, but she was just doing a lot of standing around with her hands on her hips. With a frown, she turns from the mess at hand, and suddenly jumps, eyes going wide as she grins.

“Dave!” She suddenly shouts, calling out to the other side of the room. “Come watch a movie with us!”

“What movie?” Dave replies, and Karkat’s heart starts to thud hard as his footsteps get closer and closer. 

“Mad Max,” Stephanie replies, and Karkat watches a flirty smile fill her face. 

“Yeah, alright.”

To his surprise, Dave ignores the look that Stephanie is giving him, and for some reason he claims the spot next to Karkat. Almost too shocked to even react, Karkat stares a little, frowning slightly as Dave walks around the couch and sets his bag on the floor in front of the couch.

“This seat taken?” Dave asks as he sits, to which Karkat simply shakes his head.

Karkat almost can’t focus on the fact that Dave is sitting next to him, mostly because he’s hyper aware of people around them. There was Stephanie, who obviously wants Dave, and then the other eight people who decided to join them in watching the movie. Dave could have sat with  _ anyone,  _ and yet, he picked Karkat to sit next to.

It was a pretty insignificant choice, but regardless, it makes Karkat regret every movement he makes, and question every little thing he does that night. About halfway through the movie Karkat is very hyper aware of Dave’s legs resting on a little coffee table in front of the couch, only because they’re slightly diagonal so they touch Karkat’s legs that were folded underneath him.

He’s trying to stay as still as possible, as calm as possible, barely breathing for fear that he would annoy Dave and make him pull away. 

“Stop,” Dave suddenly hisses, an arm reaching out and snaking around Karkat’s shoulders. 

Dave pulls Karkat from a straight backed sitting position to one where Karkat was now leaning his face into Dave’s chest, and his legs were practically in Dave’s lap.

“You’re making me anxious sitting like that,” Dave continues in a whisper only for Karkat, hand finally coming to a stop on Karkat’s waist. 

“Sorry,” Karkat mumbles, even more unsure than before, but too comfortable now to try and argue or question it.

Dave’s hand was simply resting on Karkat’s waist, but every minute or two, his fingers would tighten or move gently. It was like he was deciding where it should go, and wasn’t sure if it should slide around Karkat’s stomach, or be positioned somewhere around his back or thigh. Was he deciding whether to make it more friendly, or more romantic? Either way, it was  _ something,  _ and definitely something positive.

Karkat doesn’t realize as it’s happening, but he slowly starts to fall asleep. Very soon, he’s out like a light, and after the second half of the movie, Dave gently shakes him awake again.

“Sorry,” Karkat whispers, pulling away, but not very far.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Dave whispers back, “I don’t mind.”

“Dave…” Karkat mumbles, hating how mushy his heart is starting to feel with Dave so close to him. 

“What?” Dave asks, eyes smiling up at Karkat as a big grin fills his face.

He was doing it on purpose, Karkat realizes, to get back at Karkat for not talking to him in so long. Touching him, being near him, showing up and sitting next to him during movies and making Karkat cuddle with him… it was punishment. Alright, Karkat isn’t exactly upset with that form of discipline. But could he give Dave a taste of his own medicine?

“I hate you,” Karkat mutters, pulling away from him at last.

Karkat rises to his feet, hating how much he likes hearing the sound of Dave laughing as he walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick survey: would you guys hate it if I made some chapters nsfw or slightly nsfw? I have things planned and idk how old my audience is or what your preference is :/


	3. Tired of Being Mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the survey of last chapter I decided /not/ to do nsfw-type content. It won't get to that point besides like PG-13 sort of stuff (does that make sense? It just won't be porn, basically). With that being said this chapter does feature some touching but nothing crazy. Enjoy.

“I forgot to tell you,” Dave starts, holding the phone tightly to his ear. “Karkat goes to my school.”

“Huh?” Bro replies, practically choking on his own spit. “Karkat what? Karkat’s there?”

“Yeah. He took online classes and graduated high school that way,” Dave answers, feeling a short sigh leave his nose. 

“Have you talked to him? About what happened.”

“Yeah, we talked about it,” Dave nods, even though Bro can’t see him. “I just told him I don’t know if I can forgive him, ‘cause it was pretty shitty what he did.”

“Good call,” Bro seems to accept Dave’s plan, although he doesn’t know the half of it.

Dave decided very shortly after he talked to Karkat that despite being angry with him, a part of Dave still misses Karkat. That part of him was strong enough that he doesn’t care completely what Karkat did to him, but he knows he can’t just let Karkat off without some kind of punishment. It was better to be outrageously nice to Karkat and kill two birds with one stone.

On the one hand, Dave gets to be near Karkat and touch him as much as he wants to. On the other hand, being so nice to Karkat would make him feel guilty for what he did… but eventually Dave would forgive him when he decides he’d suffered enough.

After Dave’s conversation with Bro, he decides it’s best to go bother Karkat, speak of the devil. It was Friday night, but Dave isn’t one for partying, so he rarely goes out. Hoping that Karkat feels the same, he goes to the elevator hoping for the best.

Dave walks down the hall to Karkat’s room, and finds the door open, Karkat laying on his stomach on his bed, looking at his phone.

“Not going out tonight?” Dave asks, leaning against the door frame.

Karkat turns in surprise, cheeks rising in a blush the moment he recognizes the voice, and probably just the fact that Dave was now standing there, uninvited.

“Crowds make me anxious,” Karkat replies, shrugging a little, and turns back to his phone. 

“Yeah, that’s how I feel about drunk people,” Dave says with a smile, not at all kidding. He watches as Karkat turns again, this time leaning his head into his hand, body twisting slightly to look at Dave.

Looking at him, Dave has an unbelievably uncontrollable urge to kiss Karkat, but he knows he can’t. It would give Karkat too much power, too much strength right now. He had to let Karkat suffer a tiny bit more before giving into his desires.

“What do you normally do when you don’t go out?” Dave asks, deciding to keep the conversation going, even though he was already distracted.

“Mmm,” Karkat hums, pausing to think. “Go to sleep early. Watch some netflix. Eat pizza at midnight.”

“Sounds like a great time,” Dave grins, “who needs parties anyway?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Karkat grins, then starts to sit up. “You can join me if you want, since you don’t like going to parties either.”

Dave smiles, accepting Karkat’s offer. Already, he was thinking of ways he could get back at Karkat some more, aside from the various forms of touching that Dave could administer throughout the night. Mostly, though, Dave was beginning to realize how much it was backfiring against him.

The moment they lay down to watch a movie, Dave pulls Karkat towards him to cuddle, hand snaking around his waist and brushing against his stomach slightly. But then, Karkat starts to return the favor, snuggling back against Dave as much as he could. His head nuzzles into the crook of Dave’s neck, and he wiggles his body flush against Dave’s, so not only can Dave feel his heat, but he can feel nearly every part of Karkat’s body touching his.

Dave decides to retaliate by snaking his fingers into Karkat’s hair, immediately urging a sharp hiss out of Karkat’s nose. It was his main weakness, Dave knows, sliding his fingers through and pulling gently when he could. Karkat leans more into Dave, for a moment breaking both their concentrations.

It brings Dave back, when they would kiss until they were both breathless. A part of him wishes they could go back to that time, but a bigger part of him wants to make Karkat suffer more.

Dave rubs his fingers through Karkat’s hair, leaning his own head against Karkat’s, closing his eyes for a moment. The sound of their breathing fills the room, mixed into the sound of the laptop, playing a movie they were paying no attention to.

Very little time passes, it seems, before Dave realizes he fell asleep. He wakes up to Karkat pulling away from him to close the laptop and set it on the table beside the bed.

“Sorry, I fell asleep,” Dave rubs one eye, yawning a little.

“I guess we’re taking turns doing that,” Karkat replies, smiling. “You can stay the night, if you want.”

“Only if I can spoon you,” Dave mumbles, without really thinking about it. 

“Alright, but I’m not wearing my jeans to bed,” Karkat replies just as quick, jumping off the bed to remove his pants.

With a sigh, Dave realizes he should probably take his off, too. He can rarely get comfortable sleeping with pants on, so he knows it’s best to follow suit. 

Ready to completely pass out again, Dave lays back down in Karkat’s bed, arms open and making grabby motions for Karkat. The light turns off, and Karkat finally returns, wiggling into bed against Dave’s body, and pulling Dave’s arms more tightly against him.

Truly unable to help himself, Dave leans into Karkat, and presses his lips against Karkat's back and moving to his shoulder. Mumbling a complaint, Karkat just leans harder back against Dave, which just makes Dave want Karkat even more. He rubs a hand up Karkat’s stomach, pulling at the fabric of his t-shirt with the friction of his moving hand. 

Again, Karkat breathes a complaint, but just keeps a hand on Dave’s arm, stroking gently with a finger, like he was urging Dave on. 

Dave teases his fingers against Karkat’s bare stomach, pressing fingers against the lowest points before his underwear, but not daring to breach that point. Instead, he slides a hand down Karkat’s thigh, bringing him the closest he could possibly be to Dave before removing any layers of clothing.

Karkat, breathing hard, was absolutely reacting to Dave’s advances, and just in time, too. According to plan.

Dave leans his head towards Karkat’s ear, pretending to play a little, rubbing his nose up against his ear, as if he were going to kiss him. But no.

“‘Night, Karkat,” Dave whispers, letting his hand go still, his body relaxing again.

“God, I fucking hate you,” Karkat groans, hands moving to smack himself against the face.

“Mm, I know.”


	4. Tears

A hand tightening around Karkat’s waist wakes him up. The action of sleepy toes rubbing up against his, and lazy fingers finding his lower back, these movements put him perfectly at ease. 

Karkat opens his eyes, finding himself directly in front of Dave, whose eyes were open, tired, slowly turning to half-open, as if he were looking through his lashes. Karkat moves his hand to touch Dave’s cheek, pressing his thumb against his rough, dry skin. It brings a gentle, barely-there smile to Dave’s lips, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Did his smiles ever show in the other parts of his face, or was he perpetually sad, hiding behind his sunglasses, even when they weren’t on his face?

As if knowing what Karkat was thinking about, Dave starts to close his eyes again, but rolls his head a little bit towards Karkat’s so their foreheads bump gently. 

The entire atmosphere was sleepy, comfortable. So easily had it been to fall right asleep with Dave, and fall into old habits. Cuddling, what they’d always done, what it seems they always would do for the time being, not that Karkat minds at all right now. It was nice being sleepy and being with someone who was just the same.

A few knocks on the door jolts Karkat into waking up completely. He waits for a second, then remembers how he hasn’t seen his roommate in a few days, decides that no, he’s not here now. A soft sigh leaves his nose as he pulls away from Dave, earning a quiet complaint from him. 

Rubbing his eyes a few times before he opens the door, Karkat doesn’t stop to think about who could possibly be on the other side, or what the ungodly fuck they could want at ten AM on a Saturday. A million and more swears fill his mind before he does finally reach for the door handle, unsure if he’ll actually be able to form the words on his tongue with how tired he still is.

On the other side of the door was none other than Vriska Serket. Seeing her now, with her stupid long black hair and her stupid broken sunglasses, and especially with how angry he already was and interrupting his cuddling time with Dave, well--

“What the douchefuck do you want?” Karkat spits out, raising his eyebrows at her, who immediately gives a stupid grin, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well, it’s good to see you, too,” Vriska smiles, gesturing to the room. “Can I come in?”

“No, you fucking cannot,” Karkat replies just as fast, hand tight on the door to keep it in place. 

“Fine, then,” Vriska frowns deep, arms crossed over her chest. She starts to turn, and Karkat stays put. Never would he again fall for what she always tried to do, which was jumping out at the last second to try and clamor her way into the room.

As if seeing that he wasn’t going to be fooled this time, Vriska, for once, keeps walking and eventually leaves the hallway. 

Karkat manages to close the door, double checking that it was locked before turning back around to look at Dave. His eyes briefly flutter open, but they were unfocused, still full of sleep. Just as soon as Dave’s eyes open, they close again, and his breathing becomes slow once again.

Watching Dave like this, once again in his life, Karkat can’t help but realize how much he missed him, and how much his heart hurts seeing him here. Dave forgives him enough to sleep in the same room, the same bed, to be here with Karkat and not leave first thing in the morning. He was here, back again in his life.

Walking slowly back to the bed, Karkat keeps his eyes on Dave the whole time. Even slowly slipping underneath the covers again, and once more laying in front of Dave, Karkat can’t keep his eyes off of him.

Dave moves in his sleep, reaching a hand out to look for Karkat, and finding him easily. His hand snakes out, wrapping around his waist, cold fingers touching Karkat’s skin, but it’s not like he minds at all. Karkat finds himself moving his own fingers over Dave’s shoulder, and then moves to pull the blankets more around him. 

_ We haven’t kissed yet,  _ Karkat reminds himself,  _ I can’t do that, I can’t break his trust like that…  _

His eyes start to get heavy as he watches Dave. 

Before Karkat realizes he fell asleep, he’s being woken up by Dave moving against him. Dave’s hands move from his waist, and his legs untangle themselves slowly. Karkat pretends to be asleep, not only because of how tired he actually is, but because Dave seems like he’s really trying not to wake Karkat up.

Once Dave has successfully extracted himself from the bed, and now that he was suddenly freezing cold, Karkat rolls onto his back and opens his eyes. He watches Dave put on his sweatshirt and shoes, and of course his jeans. Another pang squeezes his heart as Karkat watches him about to leave.

At the last second, Dave turns back, a small smile reaching his lips.

“I didn’t realize you were awake,” he says softly, even though he doesn’t have to. 

“I didn’t realize either,” Karkat replies, sighing a little. 

“I have to do homework and then I have to go to work, so I’ll see you later?” Dave asks, smiling a little. 

_ He’s so fucking attractive, _ Karkat realizes, not even noticing how he was nodding in response to Dave’s question.

He watches Dave leave with a final goodbye, the door closing with a definitive click.

With the shutting door, Karkat closes his eyes as well, head turning to point straight at the ceiling with the pounding silence surrounding him.

Too many things to think about, and too many words he wishes he could have said to Dave. On the top of his list:  _ please, stay.  _ To be with Dave again, to see him and be with him and hold him as long as he wanted to as they fell asleep at night… It was like a dream. A dream he didn’t want to wake up from but, of course, he eventually had to.

Now alone in his bed, Karkat once again just thinks about how much he had missed Dave. And once again, he’s questioning every single fucking action he has made over the last six months. Why didn’t he try and message Dave? Why the fuck couldn’t he bring himself to do it? 

He had sat in front of his computer for days, staring at the screen. He couldn’t log into his Trollian account. He just… couldn’t do it. With no idea why, Karkat had distracted himself with other things. Making sure his grades were amazing, taking coding classes online for fun, learning languages, doing anything he could to distract himself. And yet, they were all excuses. He had distracted himself with so many things in order to not think about the life he had left behind, the things that resulted from being in that town for too long.

As he thinks more about it, he only continues to blame himself, and realize how he was only running from his feelings for Dave. Feelings, of course, that have not been silenced, nor have they dissipated in that time they spent apart. If anything, it had grown, at least in Karkat. In Dave, he has no idea. Right now, all Dave wants to do is make him angry and well, Karkat doesn’t mind so much, as long as Dave was still talking to him.

_ I’m so selfish,  _ Karkat thinks to himself, shaking his head gently, a deep sigh leaving his lips.  _ I hurt him, yet he’s still talking to me, and…  _

He frowns, trying to stop the trembling of his bottom lip, to no avail.


	5. Time for Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on vacation, so y'all get another chapter. (Yes this is what I do on vacation. Write shit.)
> 
> Trigger warning for panic attacks.
> 
> edit: for some reason the colors and shit weren't working but i got it figured out. should be okay now.

Dave knew his plan was working. Since they’d started hanging out again, and Dave had begun to conduct his plan of making Karkat feel bad about not talking to him, he’d noticed how much it was truly working. Dave could see in Karkat’s eyes that he wanted him. It was really obvious. But also how much he kept looking at his lips, or even when they fell asleep together, how much Karkat clung to him. 

Of course, Dave couldn’t stop himself from clinging right back. It was really hard not to, or to try and not feel attracted to Karkat. God there were a million reasons to just act on the way he’d been feeling for so long, but he knew there was one very big reason not to act on his dirty thoughts. That one reason being that Karkat didn’t quite deserve to be completely forgiven quite yet.

Dave lay in bed, completely at ease and ready to go to bed early for once. It was Thursday, and most people were gone on his floor, out partying or what-have-you. He has a test tomorrow in English, so yeah, good plan. Go to sleep early.

Rolling over in bed, he leans over to check his phone to make sure his alarm is set. As he does so, he realizes he missed a few messages from Karkat about ten minutes ago.

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 22:10 -- 

 

CG: ADACE FAVE DAVE ARE YOPU THERE.

CG: …

CG: PELASDAE PLEASE HELP.

TG: woah what

CG: HO Y MY FUCK YES THANK YOU  YOU INCOMPETANT SHITNASTIASN FOAET FGINALLY SHITDIKCING RESPONDING.

TG: sorry i was studying

TG: whats the problem

CG: I’M AT A PARTY.

TG: wow thats a first

CG: YES, I KNOW. THAT’S WHY I NEED HELP. OKAY? HELP.

CG:VREISKA FUCKING SERKAET DRAGED ME HERE .

CG: AND I’M JUST REALLY FREAKING OUT, OKAY?

TG: oh shit

TG: like are you having a panic attack or

CG: YES I GODDAMN AM OKAY

CG: I AM IN A GODDAMN BEDROOM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT

CG: AND IA AM NOT FUKCKNING HAPPY.

 

Dave is holding his phone with one hand, pulling his jeans up over his underwear with the other. He’s momentarily distracted with putting on his shoes that he hardly notices as Karkat sends him an entire wall of text.

CG: THERE ARE JUST SO MANY PEOPLE

CG: AND I JUST DON’T WANNA BE HERE

CG: FUCK IM ACTUALYL CVRYING

CG: FUCKING FUCK FUCK STRIDER

CG: WHY AM I SO STUPID

CG: I CANT EVEN HADN LE A GODDAMN FUCKING COLLEGE PARTY

CG: THIS ISNT FUN

CG: FUCKING VRISKA PROBABLY KNEW I’D REACT LIKE THIS

TG: youre not stupid

TG: karks where are you right now

TG: im coming to get you. which party are you at?

CG: THE ONE ON BLACK STREET. THE BIG FUCKING HOUSE WITH A LOAD OF FUCKING PEOPLE IN FRONT OF IT.

TG: right.

 

Dave keeps messaging Karkat, mostly just to keep him talking and distract him from the panic he was no doubt feeling. Despite having to pay $3 to get into the building, Dave considers it worth it if it means he can get Karkat out in a safe enough manner, or even if he can just calm him down in general.

Dave can immediately see why Karkat would have a panic attack, from the moment he steps into the house. It was a little more packed than some of the parties he’d seen from afar, or even went to himself (there had been one or two, but he wasn’t there for very long). For some reason, and perhaps for some occasion he has no clue, this frat house seems to be packed to the max. There were a crowds of people, especially drunk people.

Weaving his way through the crowd, Dave eventually finds the stairs, following the directions that Karkat had sent to him. 

At the top of the stairs, he turns to the shitfucking right, and turns to the third cocksucking door on the nooksniffing left. Because he doesn’t want to startle Karkat, Dave knocks gently before turning the knob, and peeks a head in before his body follows behind.

In a shivering blob on the floor, Karkat sat partly hidden by the bed, only the top of his head visible from the doorway. Locking the door behind him, Dave clenches his jaw and slowly walks towards Karkat, his heart aching for how his sniffles can be heard above the music downstairs. Karkat was in a fetal position on the floor at the foot of the bed, arms tightly wound around him, holding himself as he shakes.

“Karkat,” Dave whispers, watching as Karkat turns his head up towards him.

He was trembling all over, his cheeks red, wet, and mouth pinched in a tight line despite it’s quivering. His chest was rising and falling quickly, the panic obvious, even before Dave had seen his face.

Without hesitating, Dave sinks to the ground in front of Karkat.

“Do you wanna get outta here?” Dave whispers, unsure now of what to say. Karkat seems so upset, much more than he had been those months ago, when he’d had a very short panic attack. 

Karkat nods, more tears dripping from his eyes, but he seems to hesitate.

“I don’t think I can move,” Karkat shakes his head gently now, fingers digging into his arms.

“I’ll be with you the entire time,” Dave insists, knowing that being here would just make it worse for Karkat. “No one will even touch you except for me, okay?”

Karkat blinks a couple times, still shaking, but eventually nods anyway. 

“Take my hand, okay? I’ll help you up,” Dave whispers, standing with his hand reaching out for Karkat’s. 

Very, very slowly, Karkat peels his fingers off of his arm, and reaches out to take Dave’s hand. He was shaking like a leaf, but manages still to hold Dave’s hand tightly, pulling himself to his feet with help from Dave.

“I’m going to wrap my arm around you when we get to the bottom of the stairs,” Dave explains his plan to Karkat. “I’ll be able to steer you away from people and hopefully they’ll bump into me instead of you.”

Karkat gives a nod, eyes seeming unfocused, distant, especially with how hard he was squeezing Dave’s hand.

Nodding a few times, Dave turns towards the door, a soft breath of air leaving his lips as he prepares for the fight to the exit. 

He pulls Karkat behind him, coming to the door that he opens with one clean swing. There were a few people hanging out in the hallway, but they pay no attention to the two freshmen, even when they head to the stairs. 

Down, down, down. 

The bottom comes quickly, and Dave quickly moves his hand from squeezing Karkat’s, to wrap around his shoulder and pull him out of the line of fire. A few shoulders bump into Dave on the way, and he manages to take most of the damage away from Karkat. 

Many bumps and a couple near-trips later, they finally reach the front door, and almost make their way out easily.

“Hey, didn’t you just go in like two minutes ago?” A voice asks, unfortunately the one who had taken Dave’s money upon entry.

“I just came to pick up my friend,” Dave answers, turning only slightly to look at the guy who had stopped them. Karkat’s hand had tightened to grip Dave’s shirt and part of his skin as well.

“Shit, he okay?” The guy asks, actually sounding a bit concerned.

“Panic attack, he’ll be fine,” Dave replies, hoping Karkat won’t care that he told this random guy that. “I really gotta get him back.”

Dave starts to turn, leaving the big guy who had stopped him. All he wants to do is get Karkat back to his room, and no doubt he’d be stopped multiple times considering Karkat looks extremely fucking upset.

Eventually, Dave moves his hand to take Karkat’s again, finding it easier to walk this way than it was to walk with their arms tightly around each other. Especially when Karkat keeps stumbling, it was easier for Dave to keep himself upright and help Karkat not fall over every few feet. Most likely it was due to the extreme drain in energy from that awful panic attack.

It takes forever.

It was slow, as Dave thought it would be. Eventually, and due to Karkat’s begging, Dave brings him back to Dave’s room. Since Equius likes partying anyway, no doubt he wouldn’t be back until around two AM. 

Inside the elevator, Karkat was all over Dave. It was a good call to take the elevator to the first floor instead of the stairs, considering Karkat seems to hardly be able to keep his eyes open. He leans his face into Dave’s chest, mumbling something about how warm he is.

_ Finally,  _ Dave gets Karkat into his room, and pushes him over to sit on his bed. His cheeks were finally dry, but his eyes are bloodshot, his cheeks bright red. Karkat drags a knuckle underneath his nose, sniffling a couple times as he turns his eyes away.

“Thank you,” he mumbles. “You didn’t have to--You could’ve just ignored my messages and let me suffer. I-I deserve that much--”

“No, you don’t,” Dave gasps, quickly sitting down beside Karkat. “You really don’t… why would you think any of that?”

“I ignored you for  _ six months,”  _ Karkat exclaims, shaking his head. 

“Karkat, we broke up,” Dave replies just as quickly, but in a level tone somehow. “You didn’t owe me any kind of explanation if you didn’t want to give it to me.”

“But I loved you, and I should have--” Karkat stops short, hands moving to cover his red cheeks, growing redder. 

“If we spend all our time thinking about what we should have done in the past, we won’t have any time to think about what we should be doing in the future,” Dave whispers, unsure of where exactly the words of wisdom came from, but too happy with them to let them escape from his mind. “Karkat, there’s nothing I can forgive you for, because you’re not at fault. And I didn’t try to contact you either, you know. It’s as much my fault as it is yours that we didn’t talk.”

Dave tries hard not to ignore the fact that Karkat just told him he loved him, at least at one point, maybe not now. Maybe Dave loved him back then, too. Now, he’s not so sure. It’s not really that important now, he supposes. 

Karkat wipes at his nose again, eyes turned down at his lap. His cheeks were still pink, embarrassed and exhausted. Dave slowly pulls away from him and the bed, only to get a water bottle from the fridge for Karkat, who takes it slowly, with trembling fingers. He takes a few big, long gulps. 

Overall, Karkat seems to be calming down significantly.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” Karkat whispers finally. “And for letting me come to your room.”

“Why didn’t you want to go to yours?” 

“My roommate would freak out, probably,” Karkat shakes his head. “He’s not good with… people. Or emotions.” 

“Weird,” Dave replies, sighing gently. “You can always come find me if you’re freaking out and need a hand to hold.” 

“Ditto,” Karkat smiles down at the water bottle, hands tightening around it. 

“I don’t mind if you sleepover, either,” Dave admits in a whisper. 

“Can I?” Karkat squeaks, hand tightening enough around the bottle that it cracks. 

“Yeah,” Dave says softly, looking away as he pulls his sweatshirt off, and his pants that follow. 

After another second Karkat stands and follows suit, then scrambles into bed quickly. Dave turns off the light and walks back to bed, laying down facing Karkat.

All he could see from Karkat was a very basic outline of his face, the various shadows that the street lights decided to make across his cheeks and the sides of his nose. His skin was a mix of the harsh yellow glow and the extreme shadows, mixed with the night blindness Dave experiences every time it got dark… He could hardly see Karkat. Maybe that’s why his hand decided to reach out and caress Karkat’s cheek.

The moment their skin touches, Dave can feel his jaw clench, and he immediately wishes he would stop feeling as he is. He wishes that his heart would stop racing, and his mind would stop telling him to kiss Karkat right this moment. He wishes it but he knows he can’t fight it. It’s not like he wants to keep himself from kissing Karkat, from touching him, from being with him like he is now.

“Dave--” Karkat starts in a very soft whisper, but he doesn’t get to finish.

Dave leans in closer, pressing his lips on Karkat’s, ignoring every fiber of his being that suddenly yells at him to stop it. At first, all Karkat can do is gasp gently before he leans into the kiss, his hand reaching for Dave’s waist at the same time, his fingers tightening at once.

With a lip-smacking noise, Dave separates himself from Karkat, merely a few centimeters, then an inch or two. He can’t help blinking a few times, wondering what expression Karkat is making, if he’s mad, or upset. Another second of silence passes before Dave realizes that Karkat is just studying him, maybe to see if Dave himself thought it was a mistake.

Dave releases a small breath of air from his nose in a sigh, hating the way it shakes.

“I missed you,” Dave breathes, dragging his thumb across Karkat’s cheek. “I really, really did.”

“Dave,” Karkat whispers again, leaning into him, burying his face into Dave’s chest. “If I weren’t so exhausted, I’d kiss you a million more times.”

The sound of his voice was muffled against Dave’s chest, but it was unmistakable all the same. Dave can’t help the smile that comes to his face as he closes his eyes, tightening his arms around Karkat’s body flush with his.


	6. Miles to Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't remember if Karkat and Equius know each other or even like each other and I'm too tired to look it up, so... You get what you get. Sorry for mistakes of any kind. I'm v tired and too lazy to edit. Enjoy.

Clumsy fingers brush hair away from Karkat’s neck, and slide over his scalp a few times, pulling the bed head hair away from his face. Lips press down against Karkat’s neck, sending a shiver down his arms and back, especially when the touch turns to teeth, gently nipping at his skin.

“Hey,” Karkat complains softly, and the soft lips come back, in the form of a smile pressing into his skin. “What time is it?”

“About seven,” Dave replies, his hand gently moving over Karkat’s waist, sending another wave of chills through Karkat. 

Dave was lying behind him, pressed right up against Karkat’s back. Everything was warm and comfortable and  _ right.  _ Dave had kissed him, had held him all night, and woke him up to more kisses. It’s  _ wonderful _ , the only word Karkat can even think of right now to describe being here with Dave. He’s forgotten how much Dave means to him, once upon a time. It’s nice remembering.

“You can stay here if you want, but I have class in an hour,” Dave whispers, brushing Karkat’s bangs away from his face. 

“So, I’ll just be here when you come back,” Karkat grumbles softly, nuzzling his face into the pillow. It smells like Dave, and he tries really hard not to take a deep breath to make it obvious that he’s sniffing it.

In response, Dave laughs softly, beginning to pull his arms and legs from around Karkat. Very quickly it becomes cold with the absence of the human heater around him, but he manages to find another blanket to quickly pull over his shoulders.

Sleep overcomes Karkat once again, and when he wakes up, it’s to the door closing. Thinking it’s either Dave leaving or returning, Karkat turns, only to be blinded by the ceiling light turning on immediately. In front of the doorway is a large guy, a deep frown on his face.

“Who are you?” The guy asks, lip curling slightly as if seeing Karkat was enough to get him annoyed.

“Karkat,” Karkat replies sleepily, rubbing one eye. “You’re Equius, right?”

He twitches his head down and up again in a nod, mostly seeming to ignore the fact that Karkat had spoken at all as he keeps walking into the room. 

Frowning slightly, Karkat turns over to hug the pillow, able now to deeply inhale Dave’s scent without Dave knowing he is doing so. Thinking about him sends a flutter of butterflies through his stomach, and at once he begins thinking about the two of them as a unit.

Would they be together? Is that a thing in college? Are they too different now as people and would it make it harder for them to be together? 

Karkat has no idea how Dave feels about  _ that _ , and decides he should ask him. The only real question is, when? When is the right time and how could he bring it up? Maybe… maybe they could go on a real date, and decide from there. Or a few dates. That’s what people do, right?

Sighing gently, Karkat closes his eyes, once more burying his face into Dave’s pillow. He would have to wait and see, he supposes. He also doesn’t want to ruin something so great. Not again.  _ Never  _ again. A part of him still loves Dave,  _ a lot,  _ he may add, and the last thing he wants to do is screw it all up again.

A hand touches his shoulder, startling Karkat awake. He opens his eyes to see Dave, smiling down at him, speak of the devil.

“Hey,” Karkat whispers, reaching up to rub his eye.

“Hmm,” Dave replies, throwing a leg over Karkat, flopping down on the mattress beside him. Something Karkat does love about the beds here: just big enough for two people to lay down next to each other, but small enough that they have to lay pretty close together.

Dave’s arm tightens around Karkat, his head landing pretty much right on top of Karkat’s despite the cold tap of the sunglass frame against his cheek. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you all class,” Dave murmurs, adjusting his body to lean into Karkat. “I just wanted to come back here and lay with you.”

A blush creeps to Karkat’s face, a smile growing as well. Dave laughs softly in response to Karkat’s reaction, and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Karkat turns around in Dave’s embrace, his arms immediately compensating and tightening around Karkat’s waist and back. His eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses, but Karkat knows what face he’s making. His eyes would be staring right at him, focused and unwavering, just like his hands around Karkat. 

It was all Karkat could do not to kiss Dave right now, but there was truly nothing stopping him now, so he allows himself the opportunity. His hand presses to Dave’s cheek, holding him in place so he can’t escape Karkat’s lips as they press to Dave’s rough ones. 

Very quickly, albeit easily, Dave pushes Karkat onto his back, just as he pushes the glasses off his nose as well, landing on the floor a second later with a clatter. Karkat’s knees were on either side of Dave’s body pressing into him, his mouth hot and wet and inviting. 

Dave smiles against Karkat’s lips, leaning into him in every sense of the word, seeming perfectly at ease. The kissing becomes fast and insistent pretty quickly, in a way that only seems like Dave has no idea when they’ll have a chance like this again. It was an easy kind of insistence that Karkat doesn’t mind.

It changes, after a few seconds. Instead of being completely into it, Dave has to pause, then stop altogether, without saying a word. His lips slow and then stop, his forehead coming to a rest on Karkat’s. It’s a similar situation, one Karkat remembers from before.

“Dizzy?” Karkat murmurs, pressing his palms to Dave’s cheeks, stroking his thumb along Dave’s cheekbones.

“Always,” Dave replies, a gentle sigh leaving his lips.

“Lay down, maybe…” Karkat trails off, as once again, Dave sighs.

“I don’t want to stop kissing you,” Dave answers the silent question. “I want to ignore my dizziness and just keep kissing you.”

“I’ll still kiss you, even if you’re laying down,” Karkat smiles, trying not to laugh, maybe yell at him a little for being dumb. If he’s dizzy, he should just say so and lay the fuck down.

Knowing Dave won’t do it himself, Karkat immediately pushes at Dave’s shoulders, and it’s surprisingly easy to get him to roll backwards onto his back, replacing Karkat as the one on top. Dave doesn’t seem to expect this new development, however.

His eyes get a little wide, his eyebrows shooting up slightly. His first response is to put his hands on Karkat’s thighs, rubbing gently up and down. A dumb smile starts to grow on his lips, and his eyes get small. Karkat doesn’t mind sitting on top of him, except that smile makes him want to kiss it right off his stupid face.

“Shut the fuck up, Strider,” Karkat growls.

“I didn’t say anything,” Dave replies, monotone.

Ignoring him, Karkat leans over to press his lips to Dave’s jaw. A sigh leaving Dave’s nose, his head tilting to expose more of the skin along his neck, to which Karkat takes advantage of at once. He presses kisses along his skin, nipping gently every so often, until after a couple he finds a place to stop.

Karkat sucks gently on the skin, touching it with his tongue, nipping gently, and repeating the process in a slightly different place. All the while, Dave was rubbing his hands up Karkat’s thighs, over his backside, and down his thighs again. Karkat gets a little distracted, and accidentally bites down hard, causing Dave to hiss sharply and swear under his breath.

“Fuck, Karkat,” he complains, pushing gently a his cheek to get him away.

“You were distracting me,” Karkat murmurs, grinning.

“Yeah, well,” Dave replies, unable to think of anything clever to respond with, it seems.

Karkat smiles, looking, for a moment, at the red skin of Dave’s neck where his teeth had been only a second before. It would definitely be a bruise tomorrow, where the blood vessels were already bursting beneath his skin.

Again, Karkat remembers what he was thinking about before. Are they together? Are they not? Does this mean anything, giving Dave a hickey and sleeping with him at night?

Trying to hide what he’s feeling, hoping it doesn’t show on his face, Karkat leans over and nuzzles his face into the non-hickey side of Dave’s neck. He hopes, with everything he has, that it’ll turn out okay. Karkat wants to ask him out, but he’s terrified. What if Dave doesn’t want the same thing? What if he just wants to be whatever  _ this  _ is, and keep it that way?

Dave’s arms wrap gently around Karkat’s back, fingers rubbing gently where they fall. His warm body sends actual happiness into Karkat, making him feel wanted and peaceful. He remembers what it was like to feel this way with Dave before, but it never felt like  _ this.  _ This new kind of happiness, this new kind of peace with him that he’s found once again…

_ I don’t want to fuck this up,  _ Karkat remembers thinking, breathing against Dave’s skin, inhaling his scent all over again.  _ I’m not going to do that again. _


	7. Possibilities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to update more frequently. I might upload another chapter tomorrow as well. Possibly will continue updating once every couple days/multiple times a week.

Dave really wants to ask Karkat out. There was a question of when, what, uh… a million other things that Dave keeps trying to prevent himself from acknowledging his feelings for Karkat. They were excuses. All the things that he could remember and all the things that he couldn’t but he knows exists: all the things he keeps telling himself to stop himself from the doing the one thing he  _ really  _ wants to do. That is, ask Karkat out.

All he wants is for Karkat to be with him, every single second of the day, sleeping with him at night, and everything else… 

All the arguments in his head begin like that.

Karkat and Dave are together. Sort of. They were together in the physical sense, but there was no label. Besides, none of their friends had even  _ asked  _ yet, if they’d had sex or if they were  _ together  _ together. It was like no one cares. Perhaps no one does. Maybe that was okay? Or… maybe it’s not. 

Dave’s ringing cell phone distracts him momentarily from his thoughts, and he sighs when he sees that it’s Bro.

“Hey,” Dave answers, the usual spunk absent from his voice. Usually he would be really happy to hear from Bro, but now… he was just distracted.

“Wow, nice to hear you, too,” Dirk replies with a soft chuckle. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Dave says, but even he knows that it doesn’t come out as positively as he hoped it would come out. “Alright, no.”

“What’s up?”

“Karkat,” Dave replies, not meaning for it to come across as if Karkat was a  _ problem,  _ so he quickly clarifies. “Nothing is really  _ wrong,  _ I just… don’t know what to do.”

“With what? What happened?” 

Dave almost forgot that he hadn’t spoken to Bro in a few days. He’d been spacing out his calls lately, maybe Jake told him not to call as often. Whatever the case may be, Dave has a lot to tell Bro, and probably a lot  _ not  _ to tell him, for obvious reasons.

Dave sighs loudly.

“I kind of want to ask Karkat out,” Dave admits, sort of softly.

“Oh,” Bro responds easily, but not saying any more than that.

“He’s just…  _ here,  _ and I know why he didn’t talk to me that entire time, and I just really like him…” Dave trails off, knowing he really just solved his own problem.

“Then why don’t you ask him out?” Bro asks, a smile in his voice.

“I don’t know,” Dave replies, smiling. “I’m just stupid, I guess.”

Bro laughs out loud, but cuts himself off after at least a few seconds.

“You’re not stupid, Dave. You’re just actin’ like a fool.”

“True,” Dave mutters, frowning down at his bedsheets. 

Already he was trying to think of a way to break it to Karkat, like, hey dude, I like you a lot, let’s make this a thing. No, that was stupid. Um. Hey man, I like kissing you and like you seem to like kissing me, too, plus I kinda don’t mind sleeping with you--Um. Maybe not that.

Bro and Dave talk for a little while longer, but even afterward, all Dave can think about it Karkat. What else was new? Karkat fills Dave’s mind every single moment of the day. It doesn’t hinder him from doing his homework or sleeping or anything, thank God. It was like it used to be, when he and Karkat were in high school and they were happy together.

Realizing exactly that, Dave is terrified to say anything at all to Karkat. What if something happens and they can’t be together? What if something happens and Karkat has to leave again? What if… What if Karkat doesn’t want to date Dave?

His phone buzzes a few times, and Dave knows that it’s Karkat, without even looking at it. It’s dinner time and usually Karkat messages him to ask if Dave wants to go with him. Always, Dave says yes. Always. And whenever Dave asks Karkat if he wants to go to lunch with him, Karkat always says yes. Always.

If Dave just… asks him out to lunch, or dinner or whatever, he’d say yes, right? Right.

 

\--  carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 18:34 --

 

CG: DO YOU WANT TO GET DINNER?

CG: YOU USUALLY ANSWER FASTER.

CG: ARE YOU BUSY OR DO YOU WANNA GET FOOD?

TG: do you want to get lunch sometime?

CG: UM.

CG: WHAT.

TG: fuck

TG: i mean uh

TG: like

TG: as a date

TG: type

TG: thing

TG: like obviously not lunch per say

TG: but like a food type. event. thing.

TG: or like not even a food thing

TG: like a museum trip

TG: fuck what do people do on dates

TG: i really haven’t thought this through um

TG: uh

TG: please reply im just digging a bigger and bigger hole for myself

CG: I’M JUST REALLY SHOCKED, I GUESS?

TG: in a bad way

TG: fuck sorry i didnt mean to fuck up what we had i guess i just

TG: really wanted to uh idk

CG: NO NO NO STOP

CG: NOT IN A BAD WAY, NO. I JUST WASN’T EXPECTING THAT RIGHT NOW.

CG: I WOULD LOVE TO GO OUT WITH YOU.

CG: NOW CAN YOU PLEASE COME TO THE CAFETERIA I AM SITTING BY MYSELF SMILING LIKE A FUCKING DORK AND I’D REALLY PREFER TO BE SMILING AT A DORK THAN BE ONE BY MYSELF.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  at 18:45 --

  
  


Just like Karkat, Dave can’t stop smiling either. In fact, when he steps into the cafeteria and beelines for their normal spot, he can’t help blushing a little either.

Dave takes a seat across from Karkat at the little square table, food and drink being ignored in front of him. There was a nervous little look in his eyes, one that watches Dave with absolute attention, studying his existence in front of him.

“Did you really mean that?” Karkat whispers, leaning his chin into his hand, still watching Dave with an unwavering look. “You really wanna… go on a date with me?”

“Yeah,” Dave replies with a grin. 

At once he sees that Karkat must have been thinking about it, maybe wanting to ask Dave out himself. Why had he been so afraid? It was  _ Karkat,  _ someone he knew, someone… someone he probably loved. At least once upon a time. He isn’t so sure right now, but at least now he has a chance to really think about it.

“I realized how much I like you, and I want to be with you,” Dave whispers, blushing again. “It kinda hit me all at once. So, sorry if that sudden message was… weird.”

“No, no,” Karkat jumps a little, shaking his head quickly. “You said what I was thinking, actually. I wanted to, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t know if you wanted to.”

“I do,” Dave smiles, nodding, “I really do, if you do.”

“Yeah,” Karkat nods, grinning.

Silence suddenly fills the table, only making it easier for the two of them to burst into awkward laughter. 

_ This is really nice,  _ Dave thinks, leaning into his hand to copy Karkat, trying really hard not to grin even more than he already was.


	8. A Plan Is Devised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is a shorter one. I figure since it's an update in the middle of the week it doesn't have to be ridiculously long? Idk. I'm updating again this weekend (maybe sooner, idk yet). Also not sure how long this fic is going to be... trying for 30k doesn't seem to hard, but we'll see.

They hadn’t yet decided on a place to go on their date. It was up there, always on the back of their minds to some degree, but it was also nice just to lay together as always, not thinking about anything else but the present. 

It was really nice just  _ laying  _ with Dave, especially knowing they are technically dating in a vague sense of the word. The date hadn’t happened yet, but they kept throwing ideas around. They would pick something for Saturday, they had agreed. It was a few days away, they had time to figure it out.

Dave nuzzles his face against Karkat’s back, sleepily moving his arms and legs around a little. He was absolutely knocked out, Karkat knows, and that makes it all the harder to try and pull away from him.

“Where are you going?” Dave mumbles, voice thick with sleep.

“I have class in about ten minutes,” Karkat replies, pushing himself to his feet and looking around for his shoes. 

“Mmmm,” Dave groans, rolling onto his back and giving a little stretch. His shirt pulls up a little, showing his stomach and a little bit of a happy trail. 

Cursing himself a little, Karkat ignores his shoes and walks back to Dave, swinging a leg over him so he can straddle him effectively. Dave accepts the deep kiss that Karkat gives him, hands sliding one hand over the back of his neck, his thumb holding Karkat’s face right there. 

Just when Dave makes a little noise of complaint in the back of his throat, Karkat pulls away with a shit eating grin.

“I hate you,” Dave whispers, but sounding like the opposite.

“I’ll be back in an hour,” Karkat replies, leaning down to give him a quick peck on the cheek before jumping back off of him again.

The specificities of their date doesn’t come back to Karkat’s mind until halfway through class, when the subject shifts from early United States history, more towards a tangent that everyone mutually starts talking about, including the professor. There’s a pond nearby, one with a beautiful view of the sunset, and just far enough away from the town to see the stars.

“Where is that?” Karkat speaks up, asking the first person who had started talking about it. 

“It’s on the other side of campus,” she tells him, “you can get there by a path near the athletic complex.”

After she answers him, the professor directs their attention back to the power point presentation, but all Karkat can think about is the pond, and then of course, about their date.

His mind is a million miles away, as usual, and when he gets back to his room he finds Dave still sound asleep. He’s still lying on his back, with his mouth open in a little snore with every inhale. As the door closes, he stirs a little, his snore stopping as he frowns in his sleep.

Dave’s eyes open into sleepy little slits, twitching a little to look in Karkat’s direction.

“How was class?” Dave asks, voice rough with sleep, eyes closing again as Karkat kicks his shoes off.

“Oh, you know. Class,” Karkat replies, remembering again the topic of conversation. He pulls off his sweatshirt, setting down his bag, all while smiling.

“What are you so happy about?” Dave grumbles, pulling back the blankets as Karkat leans into the bed to wrap up underneath them.

“I found a place for our date,” Karkat whispers, wiggling close to Dave.

“Since I asked you out, shouldn’t I be the one to find a place?” He whispers, wrapping his arms around Karkat, fingers rubbing over his back and pressing into his t-shirt.

“You can take the next one.”

“Oh, there’s gonna be a next one?” Dave laughs, “You sure about that?”

“Yes,” Karkat nods into his chest. As an added whisper: “I’m not letting you go this time.”

“Hmmm,” Dave hums against Karkat’s head. “Where is it we’re going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“What?” Dave whines.

“You can surprise me next time.”

“Fine.” Dave breathes out in such a way that tells Karkat he’s grinning. Knowing how absolutely  _ perfect  _ he has to make this date, Karkat wiggles deep against Dave, already worried everything will go terribly wrong. 


	9. Loving the Unseen

_The_ _day_ comes quickly, but not fast enough. Everytime they’re together, Dave thinks about whatever Karkat could have possibly thought of to do for their date, and nothing could prepare him for what actually happens. 

“A hike?” Dave repeats Karkat’s idea, to which immediately Karkat starts to frown.

“You don’t like it?” He asks sheepishly.

“No! No, I love it,” Dave assures him. “I just… never thought you liked hiking.”

Karkat shrugs in reply, to which Dave sees Karkat’s backpack at that moment. He assumes that it has water bottles in it, and doesn’t question it at all. 

The walk is nice and very easy. The trail doesn’t get too steep and they’re pretty much alone the entire time, aside from the few birds and other wildlife that happen to cross their path. Dave even takes Karkat’s hand a few times, especially when he starts to look nervous for whatever reason. He has no reason to be, but Dave realizes very quickly that Karkat probably doesn’t know that.

They talk a lot along the way to wherever it is that they’re going, most of which Dave doesn’t remember. They know a lot about each other, so these conversations they hold now are mostly full of ideas, words they’ve thought about only to themselves and the things they’d experienced when the other wasn’t there.

At last, and after a good hour or two, they reach the place Karkat had been leading them to. 

A lake, Dave quickly sees, then he truly  _ sees  _ it. 

The water is level, like glass, reflecting the pink sky above it. In shades of reds and orange, fading out like the best of paint strokes, it turns to soft tones of green and gray-blue. The clouds encroach on the sun, streaky tendrils of white that turn into crumpled balls of gray and blue, hiding parts of the sky from the viewer, hiding the beauty.

Dappled shadows of leaves, trees, and the reeds around the lake show in the reflection along with the colors of the sky, causing Dave to look into it like it holds the secrets of the universe. With the look he gives the water, he sees the way the fog settles over it, reaching towards where Karkat and Dave stand so still. All around them the world moves, existing without their influence, without so much as a sigh from their lips.

Dave turns his head as the sun sinks lower, and for once he’s unafraid of his night blindness, because of Karkat’s hand held in his. The way his eyes seem to glimmer with a secret, a brightness held only in Dave’s gaze. It brings him close, Dave stepping up to stand just in front of Karkat, turning his view from the sunset.

Placing one hand against his cheek, Dave leans in and finds Karkat’s lips with his eyes already closed. Searching but finding easily, and the realization to what they are doing only makes Dave start to smile.

“Isn’t there are a rule against kissing on the first date?” Dave murmurs, forehead still pressing against Karkat’s. 

“Shut the hell up…” Karkat grumbles, his hand tightening where it fell against Dave’s chest, fingers grabbing the fabric of his shirt to pull him in again.

Dave forgets to grin and focuses on keeping Karkat near him. God, does he want this date to go well, too concerned with that he doesn’t stop to think about the implications of the pretty public place they are. All he wants is Karkat near him, against him, he lets his hand go to wrap around his waist and keep him there.

For a brief couple of seconds, Dave forgets to breathe. He feels like he’s drowning and he doesn’t mind, only concerned with the hotness of Karkat’s mouth and the way it brings him in and makes him crave more.

Karkat decides to break away, his breath escaping in hot puffs, fingers relaxing on Dave’s chest. His cheeks are pink, pupils dilated and not just because of the approaching darkness. The ease of the situation and not wanting the date to end, Dave wishes they had a blanket to lie on, and he tells Karkat as such.

Grinning, again with that secret glint in his eye, Karkat pulls away, his backpack coming off in one swift motion.

He pulls out a blanket and spreads it out easily, still smiling and blushing bright red. He turns and holds his hands out to Dave, fingers intwining as Karkat pulls him to the ground.

They sit in front of each other, and Dave wastes no breath leaning close to press his lips again to Karkat’s, his breath brushing up against Dave’s cheek as they connect. The impending darkness looms overhead and all around but again the thought doesn’t cross Dave’s mind. His only thought is  _ Karkat, Karkat, Karkat.  _

The light fades slowly, then quickly and suddenly they’re thrown into blackness. The new moon doesn’t help the night blindness and Dave’s fear of the dark, again he has to tell himself that he isn’t alone, all he has to do is trust Karkat to get them home safe. 

He momentarily forgets where he is, just thinking of Karkat and looking at him, now for hours.

“I don’t want to leave,” Dave murmurs against Karkat’s cheek. It was getting late, and cold with the absence of the sun. 

Karkat breathes out a smile, fingers pressing into the back of Dave’s neck, moving into the short hairs there. 

“We don’t, not right now,” Karkat whispers back. 

They don’t have to whisper, but they do anyway. The sounds of nature around them, not yet asleep with the approaching winter, scream into the night. There are no other sounds of humans, almost as if they’re completely alone in the world.

“I love being alone with you,” Dave continues to murmur. “I’m almost happy I can’t see anything at night, it just means I get to stick close to you forever.”

“Can’t see anything?” Karkat repeats, pulling slightly away. “You… you have night blindness?”

“Yup,” Dave smiles.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Karkat gets wide-eyed. “I would've picked a different place for our date. Especially when you can’t even see the stars and that’s what I really wanted you to see…” He looks nervous again, like he’s re-thinking and overanalyzing everything he just did. 

“It’s okay,” Dave insists, putting a hand over his. “I know I’m okay, ‘cause I’m with you. I know you’ll hold my hand when we walk back to school, so I don’t care that I can’t see. Especially because I get to spend all this time with you.” He pauses, giving Karkat’s hand a little squeeze. “I know I can’t see the stars, but… I guess that’s something I can’t really help and you can’t either. Just means I get to spend more time looking at your face all night.”

He leans in and kisses Karkat’s cheek, which Dave can tell, even in the blackness, that Karkat is embarrassed by the kiss. Even though they’re alone, he’s blushing and nervous with things like that. It just makes Dave want to do it again, but he doesn’t. Instead he just reaches up to turn Karkat’s face towards him, to press his lips to his, rather than his cheek.

Karkat smiles and leans in, hand sliding over Dave’s cheek to pull him closer. 

Even like that, Karkat keeps blushing, and Dave smiles a little too, even when he really tries not to.


	10. Days In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still mostly on hiatus. Nothing to do with this fic, just not feeling my life right now. I have so many plans for my stories, but I can't seem to write more than a few sentences. Idk. Nothing you need to worry about, so I'll keep it short. Enjoy this short-ish chapter. Sorry for the delays and everything.

A few days after their first date, and Karkat still remembers how much Dave tripped on the way home. At first Karkat thought he was joking, but he really couldn’t see a damn thing in the dark. Karkat had to point out every stick and every rock. It wasn’t so bad, nothing Karkat couldn’t handle, but it was definitely interesting to him, at least.

The past week has been busy, but Dave and Karkat still spend every moment they can with each other. Even if it’s only to sleep with each other at night, so be it, that’s the only time they spent together. It was quite a comfort, at least to Karkat, to feel Dave slip into bed beside him at night, pressing right up against his back. Sometimes he’ll sleepily whisper goodnight, and other times he’ll press a breathy kiss to Karkat’s shoulder or hair.

Spending time with Dave fills Karkat up with a feeling he knows he should call love, but he doesn’t want to. That airy, weightless feeling that wraps around his heart and makes it easier to breathe. Every time he feels that way, which is only around Dave, Karkat just wants to kiss him till he can’t breathe anymore and use his remaining breath to tell Dave how much he loves him.

But he knows it’s too soon. They’re not ready, and Karkat doesn’t want to go too fast, it’s not right, not fair. All he can do is spend more time with Dave until he feels that Dave really loves him, too.

A buzzing sound pulls him out of his thoughts, and Karkat looks down at his phone. Gamzee, calling in the middle of the day like this? Weird.

“Hey,” Karkat answers quickly, but immediately hears silence on the other end. Nothing new there, so Karkat continues. “What’s up Gamz?”

Silence still.

“Want me to tell you about my day? You can just make a noise.” Karkat smiles, remembering the very first time this happened, and how confused he was. 

He wasn’t sure whether to hang up and call back, or what. Eventually he figured out all Gamzee wants is to hear another voice, sometimes, even if it’s a voice speaking nonsense.

Gamzee mumbles softly, in reply to the question. It sounds a bit like  _ mhmm,  _ so Karkat keeps talking.

He tells Gamzee about his day, what he ate, what classes he had. He talks about Dave, how great their date went (Karkat’s been messaging Gamzee nonstop about everything about Dave, it’s pretty ridiculous). He rambles on for about thirty minutes straight. There’s seemingly no end to his words, but he eventually decides to stop, just to see if Gamzee wants to talk now.

“Can I ask how your day was?” Karkat asks gently.

“Bad,” Gamzee whispers, and Karkat can hear his breathing on the other end getting faster, more panicky. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, Gamzee,” Karkat replies sincerely, just as Dave walks into the room. Karkat gives him a tight-lipped smile, but keeps his attention on the phone. “Anything bad happen that you wanna talk about?”

“I’m having bad dreams again,” Gamzee whispers. “About what happened. It scares me…”

“I’m sorry,” Karkat says, his heart hurting. “You’re not him, you know. You’re not like that. You’re a good person.”

Gamzee is silent, Karkat knows he doesn’t believe anything he’s saying. Karkat sighs gently, hoping Gamzee is home. Once he called Karkat on the side of the road. He wanted to run away, and he still does, probably. 

“What if you came to visit some weekend?” Karkat asks, smiling a little, hoping it shows through in his words. “You could come see me, and Dave. We could all be together and hang out.” Karkat pauses. “If you want.”

“Okay,” Gamzee’s voice is small, miniscule.

“I’ll buy you a ticket, alright? How’s next weekend sound?”

“Good.”

“Okay,” Karkat breathes. “How are Eliza and Greg doing?”

“Fine.”

“How’s school?”

“Okay.”

They keep talking for awhile more, mostly just Karkat telling Gamzee things he forgot to tell him before. Most of it includes reminders for Gamzee, telling him to eat and shower and brush his teeth. 

Since school started, Gamzee’s been sad, sure, but he hasn’t had nightmares since before Karkat started living with them. That’s truly what worries Karkat, and he really hopes Gamzee actually comes to visit instead of saying he will, and not going through with it. It’s happened before, so again it’s nothing new. Karkat’s just worried about him, and wants him to be okay when he’s not.

Karkat hangs up the phone when Gamzee is ready to say goodbye, but even after the conversation is over, Karkat stares at the phone for a few more seconds without speaking.

“How’s Gamzee doing?” Dave asks gently, interrupting the silence.

“Bad, I think,” Karkat replies, reaching over to the desk near his bed to get his laptop. He buys the bus ticket for Gamzee while he explains the situation to Dave.

“I don’t know if you know this, but… Gamzee’s family was murdered,” Karkat whispers, pausing his fingers over the keyboard. “It was his dad… he killed himself afterward. But Gamzee escaped and now he has nightmares and he thinks he’s his dad, or he’ll become him one day.”

“He must be really scared,” Dave whispers, frowning. Karkat nods and begins his typing once again, the order going quickly since he’s done this before already. 

After he’s finished, Karkat looks up at the expression on Dave’s face. He stares blankly at the bedspread, like he’s seeing something, or remembering something. His face twitches a little and becomes tense, hurt. A sort of grimace envelopes his face and a sigh leaves his nose, and he starts picking at his fingernails. 

“What?” Karkat asks.

“Kids are mean,” Dave replies, frowning. “I was bullied a lot for not having parents, so I can’t imagine how he must have been treated.” 

“It was really bad,” Karkat agrees. “I hate knowing he’s so fucking far away. So many things could go wrong. I’m not there to help him or, Jesus Christ, have sleepovers or talk him through anything--” Karkat cuts himself off, shutting his mouth fast.

“You’re just a phone call away,” Dave reaches over to put a hand on Karkat’s arm. “He can call you any time of night, or day, and you’ll answer. You’re not in charge of his well being, but… he trusts you and he’s coming to visit, right?”

“I think so,” Karkat shrugs. “He fucking better.”

Karkat shakes his head, deciding to text Eliza before he forgets, to tell her that he bought a ticket for Gamzee, although he phrases it like a question. He hopes she’ll let Gamzee come, but maybe she won’t. If she knows about Gamzee’s nightmares, she probably won’t. Although she probably knows none of that, more than likely.

Eliza will ask Karkat a million questions about what they’re going to be doing and where and when et cetera, to the point where Karkat will be exhausted just texting back and forth. It hasn’t happened yet but that’s what will, Karkat knows, since Gamzee really doesn’t talk to anyone but Karkat. He tells Dave that, which makes him nod in understanding.

“Why doesn’t he talk to anyone?” Dave asks, then answers his own question by asking another: “Is it an anxiety thing?”

Karkat nods.

“After everything with his dad, he didn’t talk to anyone for a really long time, I guess. Not even his social worker, or anyone.” Karkat sighs, remembering the first time he heard Gamzee talk.

“But he always talks to you,” Dave says quietly, a smile in his voice that makes Karkat smile back.

Karkat nods a little, hoping next weekend turns out okay.


End file.
